WHY?
by newyorknewyork
Summary: Good Lord, beware of the randomness and awful grammar that lies ahead. What is going on in the Curtis house?
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Outsiders!

Ponyboy Curtis walked up the steps and into his home only to find his brother Sodapop dancing and serenading his pop bottle.

"Oh my God, Soda, what are doing!" Pony yelled and slapped the bottle out of his brother's hand.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?" Soda yelled, collapsed to the floor and started to bawl.

Ponyboy scoffed and sat down on the couch. He turned the TV onto The Andy Grittith Show.

Just as the show got to the good part Two-Bit walked in.

"Oh yay Mickey's on TV!" The side-burns man said.

Pony spun around to look at him. "What are you talking about? The Andy-

Pony turned back around only to see that Mickey Mouse was in fact on TV.

"Two-Bit, how did you do that?" Pony asked, standing up.

Two-Bit looked at him curiously. "Do what? Are you mocking me? You must pay!"

He then pulled out his light saber and Pony pulled out his. They dueled to the death. Ponyboy's death, actually.

"Ha!" Two-Bit screamed. "I've beaten you, you filthy scum bag! MWHAHA!" He then stepped over the bawling Sodapop and took Pony's former seat on the couch.

Just as Mickey was ending, Dallas Winston walked in, Johnny Cade in tow.

Two-Bit, shocked by this entry, screamed like a girl, and combusted into flames, until he finally was dead.

"DAMMIT TWO-BIT! Not in front of Johnny!" Dally yelled, holding the younger boy close to him and stroking his hair.

"I…I love you, Johnny," He said, his tough composure completely gone. "Come with me. I want to show you something." He added, took the boy by the hand, led him to the 2 younger Curtis' bedroom and shut the door.

Steve then proceeded to walk in. He noticed Soda on the floor. "OH MY GOD! SODA!" He yelled, worried about his friend. "Are you okay?"

Soda looked up. "You bitch!" He yelled, and then ran out, still bawling.

"Hmm," Steve said, then pulled an umbrella out of his pocket, and flew out the window, knocking a few things over as he left.

A little while later the oldest Curtis brother, Darrel (Or Darry, as some say) came into the house, hoping to get some nice relaxing time after a hard day's work, even though it was only 2:30pm. He noticed the mess that the boys had created and rolled his eyes. He'd have to have a talk with them.

"Soda? Pony? You home?" He asked, talking loudly so they'd hear.

"Hmm." Darry said. "They must be in their room." He walked down the hall, stopped at Soda and Pony's room, and pressed his ear against the door. He could something going on in there but couldn't quite make it out.

Darry opened the door and was quite shocked at what he saw.

"GODDAMMIT GUYS! WHY IS IT ALWAYS _MY_ HOUSE!"

_FIN._


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Outsiders!

**Hey, guys, thank for all the reviews, for my last chapter! I hope you like this one okay. It's not as random as the last one, because I based part of it on some events that happened to me last night. Enjoy!**

It was a dark and stormy night. Ponyboy and Sodapop Curtis sat on their couch having a brother's movie night in. (Excluding Darry, who had to go to bed early, since he had work the next day.) They picked the scariest movies they could find. Vertigo, Psycho, and even The Exorcist. It didn't matter that the movie didn't come out for 7 years. They watched it anyway. Needless to say, the boys were quite freaked after watching these.

A scared Sodapop jumped into Ponyboy's lap, and Pony soothed his older brother.

"Soda?" Pony asked.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna get up and go lock the door, okay?"

Soda took a deep breath. "Okay."

Ponyboy slid out from under Soda and went to close and lock the door. But right before Pony closed the door he swore he saw someone standing on the porch. He locked it quickly and ran back into the living room.

"OH MY GOD! SODA!" Pony yelled.

"WHAT?" Soda asked, standing up.

Ponyboy collected himself. "I…I think I saw someone standing on the porch."

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Well, more like a bang on the door.

"OH MY GOD, WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" Soda yelled, grabbed his brother by the wrist and pulled him into the kitchen. What were they going to do now?

"Soda…I'm gonna go see who it is," Pony said.

"NO PONY! NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! I CAN'T REEEEED!" Soda yelled, hugging Ponyboy.

Pony slapped Soda across the face. "Snap out of it! We're going to be fine!"

"Okay," Soda said. "But at least arm yourself."

He picked up a pot and put it on Pony's head, and handed him a spatula.

"What is this gonna do?" Pony asked.

"Pony, don't question Big Brother's wisdom. Now go. Go." Soda said, and Pony started across the living room to the front door.

Ponyboy unlocked the door and opened it. On the porch stood a man, soaked from the rain. He wore a long trench coat and soaking wet hat that covered his eyes.

"AHHHH!" Ponyboy screamed, very similarly to a little girl. He turned and ran out the back door into the rain to live with a nice farm family.

The man limped into the house, through the living room, and into the kitchen. That's when Two-Bit walked in through the back.

"OH NO SODA! I'LL SAVE YOU!" He yelled, and leaped on top of Sodapop.

He then pulled out a Sock'em Bopper and beat the man across the face. He flew into the living room and lay, seemingly lifeless, on the floor.

"HA! I SHOWED HIM!" Two-Bit yelled. But suddenly his Sock'em Bopper started getting bigger and bigger until finally it exploded.

"AHHHH!" Two-Bit screamed, similarly to a little girl, and ran into the fireplace and flew up the chimney.

Just as Two-Bit left, Steve poked his head in through the kitchen window. Soda, startled by this threw a pot at his head, and Steve fell out of the window and back into the rain.

Steve got up and climbed back up to the window, sticking his head in.

"Soda, it's me!" He yelled, and then noticed that his friend was huddled in a corner and a scary-looking man was on the floor in the next room.

"OH MY GOD! I'LL SAVE YOU BUDDY!" He yelled, but then the window came down, hit him on the head, and Steve fell back out into the rain.

He was now determined to get into that house. He jumped up, thrust his torso through the window, fell into the sink, and then tumbled over and landed next to Soda, breaking a few dirty dishes along the way.

"What's going on?" Steve asked.

"THERE'S A BAD GUY! What are we gonna do? OH MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Soda replied, trembling.

"No, don't worry buddy. He's probably just a salesman or something." Steve rationalized.

Soda's eyes grew wide. "OH MY GOD! WHAT IF HE'S DEAD! WHAT IF WE KILLED HIM? WE'LL BE CHARGED WITH THE DEATH OF A SALESMAN!"

Steve slapped his best bud across the face. "CALM DOWN! Just stay calm. Stay calm. We'll stay calm and everything will be fine." He said, making Soda feel better.

Suddenly the scary man, who hadn't moved since Two-Bit was around grunted and moved.

"AHHH!" Steve screamed, similarly to a fat, 8-year-old girl in pigtails named Betsy, and jumped into Soda's lap, Scooby-Doo style.

"OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Steve yelled.

"I KNOW!" Soda yelled back.

"Soda, since we're dying and everything, I just want you to know that I love you." Steve said.

"I know. I love you too, Stevie."

"And I want you to know that I don't really hate Ponyboy."

"I know."

"And I want you to know that I once dropped your toothbrush into the toilet, when I hadn't flushed yet, and I just put it back in the medicine cabinet without washing it or anything."

"I kno—

Soda looked at Steve.

"WHAT?"

Steve smiled weakly and then looked back at the scary man who was now entering the kitchen. He reached his arms out like a zombie.

"Soda…" he mumbled, in a low scratchy voice.

"Oh, thank GOD!" Steve yelled. "He only wants YOU!"

Steve jumped out of Soda's lap with a look of relief.

"But Steve, you've gotta help me!" Soda yelled, scared out of his mind.

"Sorry, buddy, I would, but I hear my dad calling me." He said, and then opened up the cabinet under the sink, climbed in, and clicked his heels 3 times while chanting, "I'm a pretty girl" and then vanished into thin air.

"OH NO! NOW I'M ALL ALONE!" Soda yelled.

"Soda…Soda…I'm gonna…kill you…" The man mumbled, now just a few feet away from Sodapop.

"AHHHH!" Soda screamed, quite similarly to a little girl. Times like these really call for you to scream like one.

He stopped at Soda's feet, and hauled him up by his collar.

"I'm going to kill you," he said. He then took off his wet hat, revealing his white-blonde hair and ice-blue eyes.

"OH THANK GOD, DALLY, IT'S YOU!" Soda yelled, grabbing his friend in a bear hug.

"Boy, I thought you were some crazy-psycho-killer here to murder me!"

"Soda, let me tell you why I'm here," Dally began, "My car broke down at the end of the South side. I had to walk all the way here in the pouring down rain. I got jumped by Socs, attacked by dogs, and sexually harassed by the milk man. I called you about 50 damn times at every pay phone I walked by and YOU NEVER ANSWERED! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

And at that, he started strangling Soda. He killed him and he was dead. Just as Dally finished committing his homicide, Johnny walked in through the back door and went into the kitchen, holding a switchblade.

"Johnny, why is your switch all bloody?" Dally asked.

Johnny looked at him, shaking. "Dal…I-I think I killed a Soc."

"Oh no," Dally said, and sat down next to Soda on the floor. He leaned against the counter and banged his head on it a few times. This was enough to make all the knives sitting on the counter top fall off and stab Dally all over until he finally bled to death.

Johnny was left standing over the dead Sodapop Curtis and Dallas Winston, holding a bloody knife.

Now, back in Darry's room, in Darry's bed, lie Darry. He was now aware of and curious about all of the noise coming from the kitchen. He got up to check it out; even though he was sure it was just the guys wrestling like always.

He walked down the hall and through the living room, not seeing anything. He then went into the kitchen and was quite shocked by what he saw.

"GODDAMMIT! WHY IS IT ALWAYS _MY _HOUSE!"

_FIN._


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Outsiders!

**Once again, guys, thanks for all the great reviews! I hope you like this one!**

The two younger Curtis brothers sat at their kitchen table eating their porridge. The oldest brother, Darrel, couldn't be there, for he had gone skiing with his old buddies from school.

"Ah, mine's too hot!" Ponyboy complained.

"Yeah, well mine's too cold!" Sodapop complained in reply.

"Well, then let's go for a walk and wait for it to cool off," Ponyboy suggested.

"No. I don't want mine to cool off! It will just get colder!" Soda yelled.

"Yeah, well we're going!" Pony screamed at the top of his lungs.

"No we're not!" Soda yelled, slamming the table with his fists.

Ponyboy bitch-slapped his brother across the face, leaving a big red handprint. Soda looked at Pony in disbelief. Pony was able to keep his composure for a little while, but eventually the tension in the room was too much for him and he tap danced to the park.

Too bad for Pony, for by the time he got there, his porridge had cooled off.

Soda sat back down, began to eat Ponyboy's porridge, and just as he did Two-Bit walked in through the back door and sat down across from him. He took a bite--unknowingly, of course-- of Soda's cold porridge and immediately spat it out at Soda's face.

"Bitch! You gave me the bad porridge!" Two-Bit yelled, smashed Soda over the head with his bowl and left him there, lifeless.

That's when Soda's best buddy Steve happened to walk in. Steve noticed his friend on the floor.

"Well, shave my legs and call me Bertha!" Steve yelled, shocked at the sight of his friend.

Steve was, needless to say, anguished with fury.

"Hello, Two-Bit. As you already know, my name is Inigo Mon—or, uh, Steve Randle. You killed my friend. Now prepare to die." He said, now with a Spanish accent.

Steve then proceeded to kill Two-Bit in ways, too gory to speak of…or type of.

Now, Steve tired from this murdering decided to sit down.

He walked into the living room and first tried Pony's chair. It was too hard. So he then tried Soda's chair, but it was too soft. He finally tried Darry's chair, and it was just right. He got comfortable and began to read the paper, all the while marinating in his rage.

Then Dally walked in, Johnny tagging along behind him. Dally saw Steve and was immediately very upset.

"You messed up Johnny's hair!" Dally yelled.

"What are you talking about?" Steve yelled back.

"Johnny told me all about it! You ruffled his hair and now look at it! All ruffled and messed! You must pay for your damage!" Dally yelled, then took Steve's paper, rolled it up, and began to swat Steve with it. He swatted him until, finally, he was dead.

Now Dally, sleepy after this killing, decided to go to bed. He took Johnny by the hand and they went into the bedroom. First Dally tried Pony's bed, but it was too hard. He then tried Soda's bed, but it was just too soft. So, finally, he tried Darry's bed and it was just right.

"Come on, Johnny, this one is perfect!" Dally exclaimed, jumping into it and getting under the covers.

Johnny shrugged and then leaped into the bed with Dally, but not before closing the door.

It was then that Darry arrived home from his ski trip. He had come back earlier than expected, for when Darry got to the ski slopes, he remembered that he couldn't ski.

He walked into the house and surveyed the entire scene. He was about ready to blow his stack, but managed to keep calm. One more oddity and he probably couldn't take it anymore.

He walked down the hall and stopped at his bedroom door. He opened it, and was quite shocked at what he saw.

"GODDAMMIT! WHY IS IT ALWAYS _MY_ HOUSE!"

_FIN._


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: All right…I'm ready to admit it. I don't _really_ own The Outsiders. I know you all thought I did, but it's finally time for me to come out of the closet. I'm not S.E. Hinton. I'm sure you're surprised and dismayed, but it's the truth. Now on with the bold-lettered author's note…

**Wow I haven't updated this thing in almost a year! But I thought this needed a new chapter, so here it is! I'm not a big fan of this chapter though, as I was a tad distracted while writing it by Criss Angel getting crushed by a steam roller. My bad. Now, on with the story, I hope you enjoy!**

"MWAHAHA!" Sodapop Curtis exclaimed; his brown eyes nearly busting out of his eye sockets they were so wide as he fiercely stirred the green bubbling concoction inside his plastic cauldron. Just as Soda began pouring the strange liquid into several bowls when his younger brother, Ponyboy burst in through the back dressed as Pooh Bear and carrying a pillowcase filled with candy.

"Soda, what is that?" Pony asked, setting his bag of goodies on the table.

Sodapop whirled around violently; his eyes were bloodshot, his hair was messed, in a nut shell he looked as though he hadn't slept for days. "PONAYBOI!" Soda yelled, rushing over to his brother, carrying a bowl of his green slime. Pony looked rather confused but took the bowl he was offered. Soda looked at the younger Curtis with a crazy look in his eye. "Eat it!" He said, rubbing his hands together frantically.

Ponyboy cocked an eyebrow. "Are you sure this is edible, Soda?" His brother's reply was simply a hyper nod. Pony wanted to make his brother happy, so he took a nice gulp from the unknown substance. Suddenly Pony's face turned purple, his eyes rolled back and he fell straight to the floor. Ponyboy Michael Curtis was dead. Soda's smile faded.

"WTF, Mate? My pea soup killed him?"

Sodapop couldn't stand what he had done to his little sibling and scampered out of the room ever so femininely.

That was when Two-Bit scuttled into the house dressed as Snow White. "Oh my!" He yelled when he saw the dirty dishes filled with a strange green liquid. "This just won't do!" Two-Bit then called for his animal friends who began to clean out the cauldron and bowls sitting around the kitchen counter. Two-Bit then turned to start mopping and found the youngest Curtis brother sprawled on the floor quite dead. Two-Bit screamed his most womanly scream and knelt down near Ponyboy.

That was when Steve walked in, dressed as Harry Potter. He stared wide-eyed at Two-Bit and Ponyboy; his drawn on scar began to burn with fury. "YOU! YOU'RE VOLDEMORT DISGUISED AS THE MOST ANNOYING OF THE DISNEY PRINCESSES! YOU'VE KILLED MY BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER!" Steve then pulled out his wand and pointed at Two-Bit's right eye. Two-Bit panicked, picked up the bowl filled with green goo near Pony and thrust it at Steve's face, killing him, but not before Steve had muttered the curse, "Youkyvacantacatchethmegaynetsathoughtsoh!" which killed Two-Bit as well.

Just as the two homicides had ceased Dallas came in dressed as Clay Aiken along with Johnny who was dressed as Tom Cruise. The pair walked into the kitchen to find the lifeless bodies of their friends Ponyboy, Two-Bit, and Steve. They stared for an undisclosed amount of time before Dallas took Johnny away from the terrible sight towards an empty bedroom, but not without taking a bowl of the green gloop with them. Unfortunately for Clay and Tom, Dallas and Johnny died before reaching the room.

Now, back in Sodapop's room was where Sodapop sat, holding a gun, prepping himself to kill. There was no way anyone would believe Ponyboy's death had been an accident. He'd have to kill anyone who tried to walk through his door. He loaded his gun, stood up, and pointed the gun steady at the door, ready to shoot.

Hours later the eldest Curtis brother, Darry, came home in quite a bad mood. Halloween pranksters had egged the house he was roofing, making him unable to finish on schedule. All he wanted to do was sit in his chair, read the day's newspaper seven times over and maybe get a back rub from Soda. Needless to say, when Darry had walked well inside he discovered his friends and youngest brother lying lifeless throughout the house. He was quite confused and ready to go crazy mad. But first he had to find Sodapop. "Soda?" He exclaimed. "_SODA?"_ He said again. _He must be asleep in his room._ Darry stepped over Dallas and Johnny, who lie dead in an embrace that even George Bush would find beautiful, and walked down the hall to his brother's room. He opened the bedroom door slowly and was, of course, quite shocked at what he saw.

"GODDAMMIT! WHY IS IT ALWAYS _MY_ HOUSE?"


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Outsiders!

**The result of more Kool-Aid drinking…**

Sodapop Curtis rolled out of bed and down the hall into his living room to find none other than his younger brother Ponyboy making out with his shoe.

"DOUBLE YOO TEE EFF, PONYBOY!?" Soda yelled, shocked and dismayed by his brother's vile act.

Ponyboy leaped away from his shoe with a surprised look on his face. "No…No, you don't understand, Soda! H-HE WAS ALL OVER ME! He wouldn't take 'No' for an answer!"

It was obvious this was an unsatisfying answer for Sodapop P. Curtis. "I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU, PONYBOY! BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG!"

Ponyboy was now starting to get angry with his brother. Soda could sense this; he began to back away. Ponyboy charged across the living room with the intent to give his brother a senseless beating, but unfortunately Pony tripped over his make-out partner and broke a nail. "OHMAGAWD! YOU SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME?" He yelled, sobbing, and crawled into the couch.

Soda felt as if he had just been slapped across the face. He collapsed and began to bawl while pounding on the hard wood floor. That was when Two-Bit slithered out of the drain in the kitchen sink and trotted into the living room. "Boy, why do you cry?" He asked, kneeling down to Soda's level.

Soda buried his face in Two-Bit's shoulder and blubbered, "I'VE LOST MY SHADOW!"

Two-Bit pondered this for a moment. "Well here!" He said finally, handing him the thimble he'd taken from the QuikTrip. "Have a kiss!"

Soda looked at the kiss in his hand. "Oh, Keith, you shouldn't have!" He exclaimed and pulled his friend into an embrace.

That was when Steve dropped from the ceiling Mission Impossible-style. Steve looked at the two, wide-eyed. "SODIE! HOW COULD YOU?" He yelled, his eyes brimming with tears. Soda pushed himself away from Two-Bit and shoved his kiss in his pants.

"Steve you don't understand!" Soda exclaimed, pleading. "He was all over me! He wouldn't take 'No' for an answer!"

"Oh, Soda!" Steve said. "Oh, I knew I could trust you!" The two greasers ran across the living room to each other in slow motion, the Chariots of Fire theme playing in the back ground.

Two-Bit was not happy about this reunion. He pulled out his firearm and aimed. "Forty-four Magnum, it's the most powerful handgun in the world, and it can blow your head clean off. Let me ask you a question: Do you feel lucky, punk? Well do ya?"

Soda and Steve stared at the gun in their friend's hand, awaiting their end. That was when Dallas Winston entered through the kitchen, as always closely followed by Johnny Cade. This entrance alarmed Two-Bit in the extreme, causing him to accidentally fire the weapon at Johnny. Johnny fell to the ground and uttered only two words to Dallas before meeting his death,

"Venereal…disease…"

Dallas pulled the young boy close and began to weep. "Well wax my back and slap my booty!" Steve yelled at the sight. This reminded Two-Bit to fire at Steve. Now both Steve Randle and Johnny Cade lie dead at his hands.

Dallas and Soda were now quite angered at the murder of their friends. Dally grabbed the nearest weapon, which was a fish and slapped the greaser with it. Hard. Sodapop grabbed the kiss, jumped on top of Two-Bit and began to shove it down his throat. Both Dally and Soda continued to pummel the funnyman, Dally slapping him with a fish and Soda shoving kisses down his throat.

Now back out in drive way was where Darry sat in his truck. Although it was still morning, he had finished his shift at both jobs and had pulled a muscle at work. He was in dire need of one of Soda's backrubs. He climbed out of the car and walked up the porch steps. He opened the front door and stepped into the entry way. He walked into the living room and was quite shocked at what he saw.

"GODDAMMIT! WHY IS IT ALWAYS _MY _HOUSE?"

_FIN._


End file.
